I have been losing relationships because I drew new boundaries. I see this time in my life as a period of refinement. I have seen so many things as redirects this time. I am saying no these days more and more often. Rest for me as a Black woman is a requirement. It means having really strong boundaries and being very clear on what rest looks like for me. I am existing in a world that has people that look like me socialized in a way that I should be providing care for everyone, and not for myself. I am disrupting that cycle, often.

Finding rest in this capitalistic society is fleeting and I often say “taking care of myself is my full-time job, everything else is a side gig.”

I remember a couple of years ago I was preparing to travel for work but I was sobbing because I had just wrapped up work at 9 pm (I know, I know, but I was a teacher coach and had to be available after school). I had no energy left and I laid on my floor with my bag unpacked. I knew at that moment that this would not be an experience I would engage in again.

I had failed myself many times over the course of leading up to that moment where I could have put my foot down and drawn boundaries that would help me to show up and keep me from paying for a new flight. The sole reason I didn't was because I was new at my job and very junior with something to prove. The culprit? Capitalism

Capitalism had amplified stories in my mind about what was possible for me and what was not possible for me. I had to reshape my thought process around what was important to me. Was I saying that money was more important than my wellness? My health? My mental well-being? I owed so much more to myself, my family, and my ancestors than burning out behind a system that was put in place to catalyze my people as capital to be capitalizing me in the present day. I was doing what so many of us do all the time, not practicing what I preach.

As the music fills the air, I tend to my plants, nurturing them with care and attention, and I take pleasure in the simple act of fixing myself a beautifully crafted espresso drink.

- Jasmine M Fluker

That was years ago, since then I have reshaped my lifestyle around my personal wellness. In my current efforts, I prioritize slow mornings that feel like an intimate embrace with my soul. Lately it has started with me spinning the Cowboy Carter vinyl—an album that resonates deeply, making me feel seen as a Black southern woman with multiple interesting and intersecting identities. As the music fills the air, I tend to my plants, nurturing them with care and attention, and I take pleasure in the simple act of fixing myself a beautifully crafted espresso drink. These moments, though seemingly mundane, are profoundly transformative—they're moments of romanticizing my own life, celebrating the beauty in the everyday, and finding joy in the small moments that feed my spirit.

In the last few months, I've made some intentional changes to prioritize my well-being and mental health. One of the significant steps I've taken is recalibrating my social feeds to eliminate negative rhetoric about Black women. This shift has created a more positive and affirming online environment for me. I've also been investing time in hobbies that bring me joy and fulfillment, which has been incredibly rejuvenating.

I've made it a point to give myself space on the front and back end of travel, ensuring that I have time to decompress and recharge. Rest has become a cornerstone of my routine, allowing me to show up daily for myself and for others in a meaningful way. I've been listening to my body more, taking naps when needed, and giving myself permission to say no without guilt. Staying inside when I feel the need has also been a form of self-care.

I have learned that establishing boundaries, prioritizing rest, and engaging in self-care are not just acts of self-preservation but radical forms of self-love and resistance.

- Jasmine M Fluker

These changes have profoundly impacted my sense of freedom and well-being. By prioritizing rest and self-care, I've broken free from the shackles of people-pleasing. For the first time in a long time, I feel truly liberated and at peace with myself. This journey has been about reclaiming my time and energy, and it's made all the difference in how I navigate my personal and professional life.

I am finding alignment for myself daily and prioritizing things I put my energy in. As both an employer and employee, finding alignment with organizations that prioritize well-being in the workplace is crucial. Employers can support holistic wellness by recognizing the importance of rest and providing resources for employees to maintain their mental and emotional well-being. Flexible work arrangements, access to therapy and counseling, and creating a culture that values work-life balance are all essential in fostering a healthy work environment.

As a practitioner, therapy is integral to my practice, providing me with the support and tools needed to navigate the emotional complexities of my work. However, it's important to acknowledge that therapy is not always accessible or equitable for everyone. To address this, seeking out low-cost or sliding-scale therapy options, community mental health centers, and online therapy platforms can provide more affordable alternatives. Additionally, investing in peer support networks, self-care practices, and resources such as books, podcasts, and workshops can also contribute to personal growth and well-being. By advocating for greater access to mental health resources and prioritizing self-care, practitioners can ensure they are better equipped to sustain themselves and their work in the long term.

Ultimately, this period of refinement has taught me the immense value of prioritizing my own well-being. I have learned that establishing boundaries, prioritizing rest, and engaging in self-care are not just acts of self-preservation but radical forms of self-love and resistance. By nurturing myself, I can show up more fully in all areas of my life, fostering healthier relationships and a more fulfilling existence. In this journey, I am continuously reminded that my well-being is not negotiable.

Taking care of myself is indeed the most important job I will ever have.